Homecoming…
It seemed like I’d not been back home in an eternity. The last time Bernard and I had touched down in Puerto Rico was around five years back, not long after we’d got married. I remembered how great it felt to take my husband home to meet my extended family; some of them like my uncle Alejandro were angry that I’d given up my education to be a housewife to a black African American man. I didn’t care of course because I was a fool in love and my family are all black/latino mixes anyway, so what was so bad about Bernard? At that point in my life, everything was perfect.
Just before we were due to leave for out vacation, I had started to wonder ever more so what my life would have been like if I’d had a career. A part of me no longer felt that it was good enough to just stay at home doing nothing all day. All around me there were women doing big things by themselves and the simple fact was, that I still didn’t feel ready to have a child. A trip back home a good break from the scene that I’d been part of and also a chance to plan the rest of my life. With or without Bernard.
Once we’d arrived at my family’s San Juan villa and greeted everybody; I was soon reminded of some of the reasons why my family didn’t warm to Bernard (apart from my mama, she thinks that he walks on water) in the first place.
He had insisted that we stay in a hotel for the duration of our two week stay, rather than the family house so that was the first strike against him. The next thing was not wanting to do things with the family that they had already planned for us to do with them in advance since they knew we were coming. The final straw was turning his nose up at the food that my most senior auntie had prepared for everybody on the third night of our vacation. Even I gave him the side-eye for that; Bernard was behaving like a diva and I was starting to get mad because they were giving us the best of whatever they had. He was being so ungrateful.
My uncle Alejandro, who was the most outspoken of my uncles, had a few choice words for my petulant husband. Bernard frowned and tossed another small piece of gristled beef to the side of his plate when Uncle Alejandro spoke.
‘Wassa matter Bernard, our food no good enough for ju?’
‘Umm.. What was that?’
‘I said, is our food no good enough for ju? You looking at the lovely meal that Manuela cooked for everybody like shit!’
I cringed in anticipation of the inevitable argument that was coming next.
‘I don’t know what you mean and anyway I gotta be careful with foreign food. It easy for me to get the runs you know…’
‘Foreign food? Maria can you hear him? Can you hear your husband? The food you eat back in America isn’t even real food!
They put so much rubbish in it that it has no taste! You don’t know about good food my friend…’
Uncle Alejandro grunted loudly and went back to chomping down his meal; there was an awkward silence and I mouthed the word ‘sorry’ to my auntie Manuela. She smiled at me a shrugged then gestured to me that it was fine.
After dinner I didn’t speak to Bernard until we got in the taxi that would take us a short ride back to our hotel.
‘Bernard! What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so rude…even if you didn’t like the food we’re only here for two weeks. You could have just been polite and not push the food around your plate!’
I was so livid that he was acting like he was better than them; I mean how dare he…
‘Maria…they’re just being touchy that’s all. I’m not gonna pretend to like what I don’t like okay, it’s only food geez!’
‘What do you mean its only food? We’ve not been here in over 5 years so you can imagine that this is a big deal to them! Do you know that she spent all day cooking for the whole family? No you wouldn’t would you…honestly sometimes Bernard you can be so selfish…’
‘Come on Maria, how was I to know that it was such a big deal? Ok I promise I’ll play nice next time are you happy now…’
He slid up next to me in the back seat and whispered in my ear, but unfortunately for him, I wasn’t in the mood.
‘Look I’m sorry baby…does this mean that I don’t get no p*ssy again tonight. We been here three days and you still haven’t let me hit it…’
‘No Bernard you don’t get nuthin! When you stop being such an as*hole then maybe I’ll think about it’ I hissed
‘Whatever’ he replied.
We both stormed into our bedroom suite with faces as black as thunder; I then walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. I decided to take a long shower and thought about what my husband and I still had in common. We used to do lots of things together and now we were so far apart that I had to wonder whether he was worth holding on to.
After my shower I went to bed and Bernard was already there in the sheets with his back to me. I was almost asleep when suddenly, he started to grope me roughly and squeeze my breasts, I didn’t know what had come over him but I really didn’t have time for it at all.
‘Bernard stop it and get off me. I told you I ain’t in the fuck*n mood ok! Stop being a jerk’
He completely ignored me and carried on regardless; the way he was touching me was becoming very painful and uncomfortable. A few minutes later he began to suck my titty so hard that he almost bit me, I was in so much agony that I slapped him hard.
‘I said stop it…just cos you’re my husband it don’t mean you can act like this! What’s the matter with you Bernard…’
The next thing that he did shocked me to the core; he slapped my face with such force that my head spun. My ears were ringing as he barked at me and spluttered spit in my face between words.
‘You fuckin bitch you thought I wouldn’t find out huh…your little secret?’
My mind ran wild trying to think how he had found out; had Tania cracked and told him? I was gonna play innocent until he came up with some hard evidence.
‘What are you talking about? I think my nose is even bleeding…have you gone crazy?’
‘Our doctor’s secretary called while I was at home last week to remind you about your next birth control shot. I told her that I’d give you the message…so I guess I’m giving you the message now. I can’t believe that while I been busting my ass working so that we could afford a family you been on birth- control? All this time you didn’t want my babies…and I thought that I was the problem! You stupid bitch…don’t think I’ll let you go Scott free tonight…’
‘But Bernard…I can explain, it must have been a mix-up. Please stop it!’
I could not believe what has happening; my once gentle husband had now turned into a monster. He parted my legs, pushed his d*ck inside and ripped into me; I was being raped. I wanted to scream out for help, but he’d clasped one of his hands around my neck and almost squeezed the breath out of me. You can’t imagine how helpless I felt and the worst thing was that I knew I would forgive him because I loved him. What I’d done was not fair…I stopped him from having the children that he wanted because of my own desires. If I was a good person, then I would have let him know from the get go. After a while I gave up fighting and let him use my body until he was satisfied. Bernard came inside me and the rolled over to sleep, but not before giving me an ultimatum.
‘Maria, tonight you betta make a choice. Stop taking that birth-control or start thinking about the end of our marriage; I want children so that is not an option if you wanna stay being my wife. I’m sorry that I hurt you tonight…I was just angry. Do you want me to make it better? I can…’
As he tried to touch me tenderly again, I stopped his hand.
‘No…don’t touch me. Just leave me be ok…’
I walked back to the bathroom for the second shower of that night; the soap suds stung the red weals on my skin from his horrific abuse of my body. I’d never cried so much in my life before that night. He was right though…I had to make a choice.
The next few days after that I stayed the night at my family home while he stayed in the hotel; when they inevitably asked me what was wrong I said that we had an argument. I was too ashamed to tell anybody that my beloved husband had raped me.
Some how, I was able to expertly cover my wounds with my clothes and I used concealer to try and lessen the purplish bruising around my browline. We all carried on as normal even though I could see my relatives looking at me with concerned eyes. The only person who wouldn’t stand the bullsh*t was my one of my closer third cousins named Mario. When we would play together as kids before my parents moved to America, we used to say we would marry each other. Of course that never happened, but I always remembered having good times with him. One afternoon, we were walking along the beach when he confronted me.
‘He beats you don’t he Maria…I can see it in your face so don’t lie to me’
‘What are you talking about Mario…I’
‘Do I look stupid? I know you remember? I know you left here when you were eight but I still remember when we used to talk’
We walked up to a deserted part of the beach in silence; I noticed that he wasn’t such a little boy anymore as he reached up to the lower part of a tree and broke off a couple of giant leaves for us to sit on so that I wouldn’t have to sit on the sand.
‘Maria…come on you can tell me. Tell me the truth…’
‘You’re right, but I swear it was only one time…a few nights ago’
I decided to leave out the rape part; my family would have probably lynched Bernard if they knew.
‘That ba*tard…I’ll kill him! How dare he lay a finger on you’
‘You see Mario, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I still love my husband and to be honest it was partly my fault. He just found out that I’ve been on birth control for years and I didn’t tell him. He really wants kids I guess and he was mad that I’d lied to him’
‘But don’t you want kids? Not that it’s an excuse to give you a black eye. Look at how he damaged your pretty face girl’
Mario put my face in his hands tenderly and looked into my eyes; I knew that moment that being alone with him was a bad idea.
‘I do want kids…but not this young. I wanna enjoy my life until I’m 30, then I can be a mother. Oh I don’t know anymore… I just don’t know’
‘It’s okay girl, give yourself sometime’
We sat in silence for a while and just watched the hypnotic movements of the sea, in a way it was very romantic. Then Mario suddenly broke the silence.
‘Maria, I been wanting to do this for so many years and now that we’re alone I just wanna know if you’ll let me kiss you. Just once. I know you won’t be coming back here for probably another five years so…’
‘But you know I’m married Mario’
‘Yeah, but last I heard your husband is a monster. It’s just a kiss and you know that I’ve loved you longer than he has…I thought you loved me too at some point. Maria?’
I answered him by pushing my tongue slowly into his mouth, he was so muscular and sexy that I couldn’t resist. No one would see us since the place was deserted and if there was every any opportunity to seize the day, this was it. I was determined to have a memorable vacation; it was a shame that my passionate memories wouldn’t be of myself and Bernard.
The kiss ended up with him pulling up my floaty maxi dress and holding my panties to one side; apparently he couldn’t wait to get inside me. As he fu*ked my aching p*ssy, he kept on looking in my eyes as if mesmerized. I could imagine that he was acting out a fantasy that was coming true and I could feel him relishing every moment. I wanted him bad too; when we’d set off on our little walk earlier in the day I’d hoped that we would have a chance to be alone like this. The rhythm that he kept going was amazing; he liked to slow right down to tantalize me then speed up the stroke again until I came several times. As a grand finale he stopped still and kept his d*ck inside me but kept on twitching it without moving up and down. He stayed like that for about five minutes and looked into my eyes again as if to get a glimpse inside my soul. He then began to kiss me and start up the stroke again; the feeling was so intense that I kept coming over and over again…I came until I cried. As if I was floating on air, I finally knew how it felt for somebody to make love to me. I lay there shaking for at least fifteen minutes while he kissed me all over my body. Mario made sure that I would never forget Puerto Rico in a long time.
When we began to walk back to the villa, I was still basking in the afterglow. My life was changing and I knew what I would have to do next. I had to start planning to leave Bernard. Denial was not a river in Egypt and it was finally clear to me now that my marriage was over.
Until next week ladies…
‘The married groupie’
*Please note: names and personal details have been changed to protect identities!*
© Lady Lynxx 2008
Thoughts??
If you missed any previous, you can find it here:
*gulp*
Whoa. This is better than All My Children….